Day 4 of #30DayChallenge for October!

A LO HAAAA! 😊😊😊
It’s a Humpday Wednesday today which means…… the weekend is near! Wohooo! 🎉🎉

Before I begin my Day 4, I actually don’t have the slightest idea on how do I start writing – perhaps because I’m having a hard time to think of how do I answer the question…? Or maybe I simply don’t know if I can even answer it.

So currently, I’m on my 4th cup of wine while contemplating Day 4’s topic (4 should be the lucky number? Haha) Aaaand on this 4th cup, I have finally found my answer! Special thanks for the unwavering support, Wine. You saved me tonite.

Day 4: Write about someone who inspires you.

Some people would automatically say that it’s their mom who serves as an inspiration to them, or their father, or sister. For me, it’s not that I don’t feel the same way like them ‘coz I really do. However, going back to the topic and asking myself, again and again, the clouds in my head seemed to gradually disappear until I was able to park on one answer.

After all, I am more inspired by….

The Better version of me.

Conceited as you think, but there is no other person who I feel inspired every day but the better version of me. However, I’d like you to understand where is this ‘confidence’ coming from as I can definitely assure you that my reason for having that does not come off easily.

As someone who has studied Psychology in Uni and has practiced the course after graduation, there have been countless times where I thought that I was the stupidest, dumbest and reckless person alive and how ironic do you think it is? Someone who is known to be Alpha, perky, extrovert and a people-person feel the exact opposite of herself? Truth be told, I am a woman full of insecurities and doubts and this has been my unfortunate drawback whenever rainy days come.

Introspection was my only best friend. I learned to take a deep dive into the depth of my thoughts and at the same, acknowledge who I am and I’m not. All my life, I have tried my best to achieve what was expected of me – in terms of grades, relationships, careers, and goals and luckily, I was able to manage and get through with all of it positively. My grades were great, I didn’t have any boyfriend during college days, I am able to have a stable job and my goals are always set. I haven’t been the greatest daughter or sister to my family since I have too many shortcomings but I know that in general, I was a good girl. Even Santa can praise me for that. 😉

Now that I grew old and able to experience many different things, my behavior and logical reasoning started to shift – I became toxic both to myself and to my work, I hated everything around me, I don’t give a damn whether I hurt other people so long as I have given a piece of my mind and I became too rational to the point my reasoning is pathetic. In short, I became a total mess and I despised myself for being one.

So, what’s the deal? How does this support my answer to the topic? Well, it was actually during the First Sunday last September 2017 where I attended the Holy Mass and instead of hearing the Word Of God, my mind was having her own discussion about myself.

“Joh, what has become of you?”, ” Joh, are you happy?”, “Joh, do you even need a boyfriend who doesn’t share the same goals with you?”, “Joh, is your job giving you the fulfillment you wanted?”. It was as if the Holy Mass was the perfect avenue for me to organize my thoughts and simply focus on what has been going on with me. I know it defeats the purpose of attending the Mass but I was truly grateful for that time because if not for that, I wouldn’t be able to feel the genuine joy, freedom, and clarity that my heart had longed for. I’m sure God is happy in a way. 😁

That time, I was able to face myself, conquered my own battles and reached a conclusion. It is to say that….
‘Stop. It’s okay. It is still okay.’
Now, I always remind myself that it’s okay.

It’s okay to feel stupid.

It’s okay to feel dumb.

It’s okay to feel restless. Why?

Meaning, there is ample room for growth and personal change! Do I really want to stay toxic all my life? Do I really want to break up with my boyfriend? Do I really want to leave the company? All of these concerns come gushing to me since I’m so used to living the fast-paced kind of life that whenever there is something that piques my interest, my attention is diverted right away and I tend to forget all other important things. Worst? If I am not able to answer my own worries, then paranoia take over and I go back to being a mess. I know I am someone who got lots of dreams to aim, lots of ideas to realize, and lots of energy to share, but sometimes it becomes so overwhelming that the only decision I can come up is simply to quit and say that I’m done. But no, that is definitely not me.

If I must say, September is the turning point of my life. It was my first time to be on the slumps for quite a while (it lasted for nearly 3 weeks) but fortunately, I came back. Who helped me? Well, guess who…..
….me. I helped myself. The better version of myself helped the lame Joh to get past all personal issues that I experienced. There has been a constant battle within me and my negative side but at the end of the day, the idea that I can still change for the better and become a good person always keep me from going astray. And my inspiration will never change.

Quite a lengthy post, eh? Maybe it’s the alcohol that’s talking. Oh well.

Out and About!

Joh~

Day 3 of #30DayChallenge for October!

It’s crazy!! 😱😱😱😱

I have received warm messages from my old and new friends who were able to read my other posts from this challenge and it makes me super happy to have these people waiting and subscribing to my blog posts. Thank you so much for your support dear friends! 😌

Now, let’s have Day 3!

Day 3: What are your top 3 pet peeves? (In Order)

1. Mockingly pronounces “Johara” as “JU-HA-RA!” with a strong accent.

To all my closest friends, they know for a fact that I seriously get deadly and mad whenever I hear someone who blatantly pronounces my name in THAT kind of manner. Call me weird, I could care less but NEVER, EVER mock the way you call me by my name. I think this pet peeve started way back in College. It ticks the guts out of me whenever my colleagues/new classmates tend to do this. I can’t explain exactly why do I feel strongly about it so as much as possible, I always use “Joh” when I’m introducing myself to others to make sure that this would be prevented.

2. Biting one’s nails

WHY WOULD YOU EVEN DO THAT????!!!! 

Whenever my little sister does this, my reflexes kick in and I slap her hands away from her mouth unknowingly and now, I’ve had this habit with me even at work (which sometimes gives me a headache since I do what I always do to my lil sis to my co-workers). From my perspective, it doesn’t look nowhere presentable nor good for a woman to bite her nails, especially in public. It shows anxiety, poor hygiene,  restlessness and worst, lack of self-confidence. For you to be able to carry yourself appropriately, biting the nails is way out of the picture. Even though you say that you are hygienic, clearly your mannerisms speak for you even without any explanation. 

3. Shameless Public discussions on Elevators  and Jeepneys

Guys, if there is a table manners/etiquette, then there is also what we call ‘Elevator/Jeepney Etiquette’. It means that there are certain do‘s/don’ts for us to consider for us to live harmoniously with others. Say, for example, you go to work and always ride the elevator to reach your designated floor. However, in that specific building, there are also other people who are working but are situated on different floor levels. Meaning to say, there will always be a time that you get to share a ride with them. This situation goes the same when riding a Jeepney. You are inside a space where everyone is a total stranger so ‘normally’, they don’t need to know your personal and professional circumstances. But truth be told, there are just some people in the world who are plain tactless. These people talk about WORK, BOSSES, SALARY, LOVELIFE, and even DEBTS inside this small space! I mean, YOU deserve to have your own privacy but why are you treating it lightly? Some people just answer the phone calls and talk about confidential things in front of other passengers and that is just so wrong on many levels! And that’s not it. Since these passengers were able to hear and be an audience to your life, they would give automatically give you the ‘stare’ and you might think that the back of their minds, they are making fun of you. Simple logic: It’s like your taking off your clothes in public and getting mad at the passengers who are watching you. I mean, y u mad? You okay? 😐

I’ve actually another 2-3 more pet peeves to share but since I was only asked to tell 3, then let’s just leave that thought for another time. 😀

 

Once again, thanks for reading and see you again tomorrow. 🐼
Out and About!

Joh~

Day 2 of #30DayChallenge for October!

Aloha!

Here I am on my Day 2 of the #30DayChallenge for the month of October. Before I start with it, I would like to give a shoutout to 2 of my friends (Angel Cipriano and EJ Concepcion) who told me that they were ‘inspired’ to make this out from my Fb post. Sending my virtual hugs to you!! 👐👐👐

Now let’s proceed with my Day 2!

Day 2: Write something that someone told you about yourself that you never forget.

“You are my pride.”

To all the guys I have loved before, no one has mentioned this again aside from my very first love. His name is K. (Author’s Note: It is primarily because he WAS my first love and that I’ve clearly moved on from him why I am able to drop his name blatantly. After all, this post is all about that something someone has told you which you will never forget.) Before I explain thoroughly about the line I dropped in the first part, let’s have a little trip down my memory lane.

I met K way back 2010 – this was the time where I started to join a Youth Organization called Youth For Christ (YFC). I was still a young high school student and he was already in his last year as a Computer Engineering student. We were colleagues who are serving the same community and we have known each other well since both of us were very active and participative. Well of course, fast forward… We get to become closer to each other and had THAT Mutual Understanding (which I think would mean that we get to be exclusively dating and we are on the same page on where we want our relationship would be in the coming days). I can almost recall the first dates, the first cries, the first hugs and the first one who I have loved aside from my family. I’d like to think we had the best time of our lives back then but as they say, ‘We had the right love at the wrong time.’. My parents were the typical old Filipino Family – strict in terms of relationships, curfew should be honored, dates are not allowed until graduation, etc. They wanted me to finish my studies up until college BEFORE I get to have and experience a relationship. So as our happiness evolved around each other every single day, little did I know that it was only meant like a teaser…. It didn’t become the movie in my life but it only served as an advertisement – shortlived, abrupt and it ended too fast.

Now Joh, where does the statement ‘You are my pride.’ come from?
It came from K. He said this one time when we were in the midst of quarrel. Honestly, I forgot what was the discussion we had why he was able to say this but one thing’s sure, he had my heart and soul when he uttered those 4 words and that until now, has always lingered in my mind. No, I am not saying I wanted to go back to him, but it’s just that it was the first time I felt that a man has appreciated me so much he was able to acknowledge my existence, let alone became his pride. When he told me that, it came to me like a powerful wind who blows whatever comes its way or like a mad thunder who sends chills down to your spine when you hear it.

Though our relationship was done and gone in the past, it was a beautiful memory where I can happily go back reminiscing but not necessarily wanting to go back to the person. He was a part of me, his words filled my thirst for love and care but what’s done is done. I will always be thankful for that 1 wonderful sentence he told me and any material gift I received from him cannot even compare. 

Being genuinely appreciated is a life’s blessing. You may have ended and parted ways with some of the people who have appreciated you before, but be reminded that there was a time in your life that those people made you feel complete, loved, and feel good about yourself – or by just simply existing. Thank them anyway. ❤

Out and About!

Joh~

Day 1 of #30DayChallenge for October!

I have decided a week ago that I will have to go back to my first love(writing) and with that said, I followed the #30DayChallenge for the month of October! (long post ahead teehee)

Day 1: List 6 things that make you really happy. (Original: List 10 things but I’d like to be very honest as possible and I’m only able to say 6 items.)

1. Spontaneous conversations.

I tend to meet different kinds of people every day – either work-related, acquaintances in the bar, friend of a friend, professional encounters, or even passersby and in one way or another, I think I’ve established small connections with them in just one Hello or Hi. What’s great about this kind of spontaneity is that before I know it, I find myself enjoying the company of these strangers-turned-to-friends. 

2. Food. Any food.

 But of course, Food is life. Yes, I may not be able to go to well-established restaurants most of the time but that doesn’t limit the ecstatic feeling when I go grab a bite to small-scale shops which offers pretty much the same kind of food. After all, I follow the saying. ‘Kumain ng naaayon sa budget.’.

3. COFFEE.

I don’t associate this with food because Coffee is my ‘liquid sunshine’. When I say it like that, I meant that without coffee, there are no brighter days ahead of me and my mood is just literally under the slumps. As someone who tends to work herself in front of a crowd almost every day, I have to make sure that I always have that ‘approachable’ kind of vibe or else, work is not going to go smoothly for me. Having said that, I find my way to get coffee early morning since it practically gives me the ‘happy fix’ that I need. 

4. Traveling

Traveling is the healthiest addiction. I haven’t gone to a lot of places yet but as far as where my feet took me, there was NEVER a dull moment when I was wandering. Who would be sad when you get to see the wonders of Mountain Province? The happiest place in the Philippines? The safest place to take your gadgets out and needlessly put your backpack in front of you? I mean, all these beautiful places have certainly made me the happiest all my life. It’s a different kind of thrill when you’re in love – travel seems to make you want and crave in going to places you’re never wary of but still feel excited and giddy. See? I’m actually smiling as I am typing the words to say in regard to this topic. Lol

5. Work.

It doesn’t sound so convincing? Hmmm…. I guess some of you wouldn’t think of even including Work as some of the things which makes up happy but to me, I can genuinely say that I am glad to have my job(s). By the way, I have been juggling both part-time and full-time jobs for nearly 6 years now and yes, I am happy. Being happy would mean that even after all the bad and crazy things that happened to me at work, I am still able to see the goodness of everyone and work with them professionally without constraints. If you simply hate the people in your company and work ineffectively, then the door is very open to your resignation for you to find another job. Challenges are what makes a person strong and courageous so instead of mopping around because of the inevitable, I realized it’s best to let bygones be bygones. After all, you know yourself that YOU have your own purpose you need to fill and feeling guilty without ANY reason is most certainly going to pull you down. The joy that I feel whenever someone thanks me in helping them is more than my work’s worth. It’s a kind of feeling where you want to cherish and aim to be better in whatever that I am doing.

6. Lovelife.

Mushy as it is, my love life has made me really happy now. There isn’t much to say about this actually because I promised myself to keep it as private as possible since I had one of the worst break-ups with my ex and long before, we were known to be ‘super open and sweet in Social Media’ so when we broke up, it was also shamelessly and publicly known to all. From there, I have firmly decided to take good care of my personal relationship better and keep it as discreet as possible to avoid the unnecessary spotlight. Though there is one thing which I can especially share to all of you… I am very happy and in love with a special someone. Truly, a leap of faith is what I needed for me to be able to attain this level of happiness that was once lost but now has gone back to me and remained.

I’ve tried my hardest to fill out 7-10 but apparently, these are the things which basically came to my head upon reading the question for Day 1. 😀

I hope you guys enjoyed my Day 1 Journal writing and I recommend that YOU do the same! I feel so warm and calm now that I was able to put into writing my lingering thoughts which ought to be sorted out. So refreshing! ❤

Out and About!

Joh~